i'm so tired. tired tired tired. and it seems as though i didn't do any work today. sure, i didn't do any pumpings but i didn't just sit in the den and shake legs. so don't go away with the impression that we're not working our brains out. somehow, there's this sorta nagging feeling at the back of my mind that i forgot to do something... i need to tell Weemin something i think. great, can't remember. some camp stuff. haha, keep on remembering how Quek kept on writing "camp stuff" instead of "camp staff".

i have come to the conclusion that i will cut my hair before camp. maybe on friday or something. not sure. i aint looking forward to tomorrow when we'll be buying all the camp food! very heavy, who's going to help us carry?

and i haven't practiced my piano in a week! oh no! i shall put it off until tomorrow. see, everything leave until tomorrow. what kind of example am i setting? tsk tsk.

this seems to be a rather nonsensical post. i normally don't write such stuff. and i'm starting my homework and my studying in december. so i must hurry up and spend the rest of the days in november to the best of my slacking ability! here's to stoning.

gah, when i heard the sad news yesterday (my own stuff), i wanted to just curl up into a little ball and blame myself, because truly, i know it was my fault. it wasn't that my piano playing skills wasn't good enough, but i guess there needed to be an assurance of my commitment to play for church. practice IS once a week (or more, i think it's a lot more ) and you can't just decide not to go on a whim and expect to play marvelously for service on sunday. guess i need to show that i have that commitment.

but yeah, i just remembered. and when at night, you start dreaming and thinking. or rather, it is at night that our fears come to life because there simply isn't enough light to chase them away. and you huddle underneath the blankets and listen to the wind whistling pass your window... and you sit up, stare into the cloudless night sky and at the cold unblinking moon and you just sit there.

you.just.sit.there.

and then you really remember. the memories start rushing back to you in hordes. and you simply can't stop it. because there is nothing else that fills your mind at that time. and yes, it is melodramatic, i don't doubt that. in the day, and most of the time, you can just laugh off the memories. (at this, i aint talking about good stuff). okay, truthfully, you CAN forget you CAN move on, but sometimes, at times, it's hard.

hard to look back at the good times and imagine better times.
hard to look back at what it was and what could have been.

we all get into periods like that at times.
and i wonder if i'm punishing myself by keeping a constant reminder around me.

at times like this, and when i'm not fighting with my sister, (and i happen to be filled with sisterly love and want to share a SINGLE bed with her), i look at her with fondness for that cute face that has DIMPLES which i don't and who insists that she's cuter than me, what rot, and smile to myself thinking that at least i have someone who will be there for me. i mean, she says i'm weird and can go from nice to maniac mad in one second, but... family. you know? just that kind of feeling. i feel like hugging her now but i think she'll whack me silly. she'd say "don't touch me!" and i'd do so anyway and get whacked. the things i put up with.

tired. very tired. mum doesn't want me watching teevee tonight. sleep early. noooooo. i feel like a bloody addict.

oh my new pretty black bag has a pocket for me to dump my non-existent drumsticks in it. why non-existent? because i'm still using the borrowed ones and i have to get them for my friend when i feel like practicing. i mean, drumming's more of a hobby than whatever piano is but i have yet to get the nice drumsticks. i'm looking for a really nice pair and i'm picky. so i shall go out after camp and finally buy them before christmas. unless someone's willing to buy a pair for me? heehee

gave Ms Heng a picture frame that i decorated with snowflakes, pretty hairtie thingies and a GelGem heart. the picture was one that i took with her after this yr's sec 1 enrolment. it's now on her table, i saw it. kinda like a wedding gift. her wedding's right after guides camp! day after la...

Sonya, i gave her a picture frame too with our favourite mango tree picture with me, YY and her.
i'm gonna give YY the same thing cos i love that picture too. plus something else for her birthday.

love u guys. :P